Maybe because I'm one of the messed up people.
Sorry I'm not a good friend, sometimes i wonder what can i do to help you.
I can't help you if you don't want to get any help, or doesn't try.
I had enough of trying, probably i should listen.
And just.. avoid you like what people advices me to do.
Is it worth it, I don't know and I don't care.
The only thing i know is, I tried enough, and think it isn't worth it.
You want to know why i don't trust people well?
Because whenever i want to trust a person, their actions make me regret it.
Since you decided i'm worth enough to wait and make me open up,
why do you step my hopes and heart?
Do what you think it's right, I'm not in your situation.
I can't judge you for what you do, i only can judge what you do to me.
And It's selfish of me to do that but, I can't take it anymore.
You might be one of the most important person in my life.
And also one of the reliable person,
I don't want and can't afford to lose you but..
Maybe letting go and giving up is better.
I don't know what to do.
Some people make me want to open up to them and just cry.
But all these problems all these stupid fucked up situation..
Proves me wrong, rely one someone? Ha joke.
Tell me what should i do, open up and get hurt again?
Or maybe i should just be loner forever.
And people ask me why doesn't i speak much of my life.
Probably because my life is too complicated and messed up.
They won't want to be burden by my problems, won't they?
Someone already prove me wrong,
proving me that actually i can open up to them as easily as they do to me.
I can, but now.. I give up on opening up, to all the mess and cruel world.
People make me want to care about them.
I want to be the protective sister of theirs,
like how i dreamt my own sibling to be like.
But people tends to prove to me that I'm dumb.
I don't care if I'm taken for granted, but i care when the person i care..
Think that i'm such a annoying, selfish and probably proud?
Do they? I don't want to know.
I want to learn to love again.
Learn to be as happy as I was when i'm a child.
Learn to be forgiving and socialable.
Learn to not care about other people's thinking.
I can't.