I made a mistake of googling on the SMU interviews.
My results just doesn't seem to be good enough to even get an interview tbh.
I can feel the reality slowly sinking in, so upset right now.
I don't know what else I can do other than accountancy.
Even if I get into business, I know I will regret not getting into accountancy.
Lost of words.
I don't know what else to say but I hope and pray I get a chance.
A chance to seize the opportunity to do something I want/love.
It could be too soon to tell if I love to do accountancy but it is definitely something I want.
If I can't even get in SMU, I know for sure I won't be able to get into NTU.
I yearn for this so badly.
The desperation of wanting to get in is overwhelming me.
Haunting me every moment right now.
I don't want to break down.
I am trying so hard to resist.
I don't think anyone will understand how I am feeling.
So near yet so far away from getting in.
The fact that I didn't tried hard enough is screaming in my face.
It's almost like the results is reminding me of my incapabilities..
My flaws.. My actions.. How I fucked up my own life.
Is this how failure feels?
I don't think I will ever forget this feeling.
This paper will haunt me for the rest of my uni life.
Maybe by then, I will learn not to overestimate my own capabilities.
Learn not to be so fucking helpless.
Then maybe I will be able to accept myself for who I am.
Flaws and all.
I'll be okay when time passes but right now I am not okay.
And you know what makes this worse?
Not having anyone to talk to.
Not having anyone to confide in.
Not having anyone at all.
Nobody cares about what is happening except when it concerns with their own self-interest.