Although I am quite pleased to embark on a new journey but the fact that studying is involved just stresses me out.
The A levels examinations didn't help with the great disappointment I felt.
I know people say that it isn't terrible.
But the fact that I can barely make it into Accountancy just drives me crazy.
I can't imagine myself doing any other courses at all.
It sucks that my interest is only so narrow.
That only means I can't afford anymore mistakes unless I want to regret this.
I had enough of all the disappointment and regrets I felt in the past few weeks.
I wouldn't be able to forgive myself if I rob myself of this opportunity to do what I want to do.
It's difficult to even think of that future for the next 4 years doing something I don't even want to.
I am afraid that I lose more friends in university.
It's so clear that all of us have different interests.
We might not even stay in contact after 4 years.
I have already lost my fair share of good friends.
Even though we may briefly talk to each other, but we all know it will never stay the same.
Entering junior college was a painful process tbh.
You see your friends ditching you, becoming closer while leaving you out.
And suddenly, you're no longer visible to any of them.
The fact that they don't need you may stuck a nerve close to your heart.
But truth is the truth. We can't deny that we no longer exist in their life.
Slowly, you turn invisible to them.
They no longer care, they no longer ask,
they go their way and you go yours.
I am a coward.
I didn't dare to involve myself in their plans.
I didn't dare to ask if they are doing well.
I didn't dare to do anything.
I watch from afar.
And see myself drifting away.
I am not excited to make new friends.
I am not good at that.
I am too awkward to start conversations.
But I don't want to be always alone.
I want to find someone I can talk to.
but it's hard because nobody cares.
So i keep it all in. And release them at night.
One day. Someone will understand how I feel.