Year after year it just feels worse and worse?
I am looking forward to this new year tbh?
Kind of sick of the same old things that have happened throughout the past few years.
(kind of ironic that i dislike change though)
Lonely is the word to describe what I have been experiencing for the past few years.
With more downs than ups in 2015, I finally realize who are the friends that are worth keeping and who are those that are not worth my time.
Although I don't have that many friends that I can rely on now, but I somehow feel much better and less used or manipulated.
I only hope that there are better changes throughout the year of 2016, and discover my chance of finding my own bff that I can 100% trust and rely on.
There are so many moments that I feel myself wanting to spill everything that I've bottled up for the past 5-6years?
Those were the times that I wish I could have someone that I can indulge and spill all my tears and frustrations.
These days I've been resisting my desire to pull down all the walls around my heart and really rely on a stranger.
Those temporary feelings of security and happiness tempts me so much, even though I know they are temporary.
However, that doesn't remove all the desire for that security and attraction I felt 5years ago.
Maybe one day I'll get my own security and happiness?
Until then I would just indulge and pretend everything is fine while someone is holding me.
I pray and hope I wouldn't stoop so low for something temporary..
Those are what keeps me awake at night.
That's what I realized after the first time I felt so safe.
I am not attracted to the person holding me but the feelings he gave me while he hold me.
It's a little blurry how the whole thing started
I don't even really know what you intended
Thought that you were cute and you could make me jealous
Poured it down, so I poured it down
Goal for the year: make new changes that would make me happier