I always felt that this is the only way of venting out any worries because I honestly don't think anyone can help me out?
Sometimes I wish people would read all the feelings I pour out after I bottled them for so long.
At the same time, I wouldn't know how to face them if I knew they knew all of my thoughts.
I feel absolutely disgusting.
I am so ashamed that the only time I can speak the truth of my feelings is when I am drunk.
And out of all people, I am always pouring my heart out to people who don't care.
I wish I wouldn't do it again?
Turning so vulnerable infront of others, is just not something I ever want to do again.
I feel so absolutely disgusting about myself,throwing myself all over on male strangers.
Yes I said it.
I am absolutely lonely for the past 5 years of my life.
Sometimes I wondered if there is anything wrong with me.
I must be that detestable that I am undateable.
But at the same time, I think I deserve more when deep down inside I know I don't.
Those temporary sense of security is so darn comforting that I can't help myself.
At that moment, I don't care if I am being taken advantage of.
Which scares me the most because I refuse to be someone like this?
And yet I do it whenever I am high.
I am what you call a hypocrite, I'll do almost anything to forget my loneliness for the moment.
By turning into such a easy girl.
This has to stop.
I can't feel ashamed and disgusting everything I wake up rmbing all that I've done.
I don't know what to think anymore.
Maybe I should reconsider being myself in public.
Because that seems to be the most detestable thing to everyone.
I am so goddamn lonely and sad.
